Building Character in the Home
By Ronald W. Mitchell
How important is character? Ask the discouraged investors whose life savings have been lost in the aftermath of Enron, Tyco and WorldCom debacles, the answer will be “character is worth everything.” Questionable accounting procedures and lavish lifestyles of some CEO’s and their top lieutenants have left employees and investors with little or nothing. The financial security of so many people has been shaken by the pervasive dishonesty within corporate America. Even the president has weighed in on the subject, vowing to “hold people accountable for misleading not only shareholders but employees as well.”
Could it be that what we see in the financial institutions of our country are only a sampling of what is underneath the soil of moral relativism and situation ethics? I’m sure for every wrong committed there is someone who can argue for its “rightness.” Even the horrible abuses of power and wealth cannot be condemned in a climate where moralists and ethics professors cannot agree. How can something be wrong when the definition of wrong is constantly shifting? Is this only the first fruits of casting off our fixed moral point, which is God?
While the focus of change is aimed at the top, I would suggest we also take time to take a hard look at where character is essentially formed. The seeds of moral character are first planted in the home.
In Deuteronomy, chapter six, God urges us not to make this mistake: "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
Some parents don't believe spiritual things are all that important. They even go so far as to say that they're not going to try to influence their children one way or the other when it comes to spiritual matters. Instead, they're going to allow them to decide those things for themselves when they grow up.
This has a pious ring to it, but under careful analysis it falls apart. If we've discovered a good and useful thing in life, like brushing our teeth, combing our hair, using soap and deodorant, we're not doing our children a favor by letting them discover these things for themselves when they grow up. If we're going to be concerned about our children's grades in school, about their eating habits at home, about the strength of their muscles and the enamel on their teeth, in all honesty doesn't it seem logical that we should be concerned about their moral and spiritual welfare also?
Without God a whole dimension of life is missing; children grow up in a spiritual vacuum. I'm not alone in this. Millions can testify that the spiritual training they received during their youth brought a great deal of meaning, purpose and fulfillment to their lives. Plus, it gave them a moral foundation that otherwise they would not have had. The moral and spiritual training they received during childhood by being with their parents in church, worshiping and learning about God and His purposes, became the stabilizing force of their lives. The highlights of their growing up experience were not limited to a concert hall, dance recital or athletic field. Church, spiritual retreats, summer camps brought them experiences that significantly shaped their character. Spiritual training, provided by parents, builds a foundation upon which moral and ethical decisions are determined.
Stroll along Times Square in Manhattan and your senses are assaulted with commercial messages. Everything from clothes to entertainment is there in bright lights and on gigantic billboards. Like a walk along Times Square, today’s young person is constantly bombarded with the sensual messages of today’s culture. What are we doing in our homes to provide a moral and spiritual foundation that can give our children courage to act with character?
Courage rooted in Character
Perhaps a personal story here will give us some insight to the point I am making. It’s actually the story of a young man. Joseph is his name. His parents taught him to love God and value sexual purity from childhood up. Under their guidance he developed moral and spiritual values that were rock solid. Joseph wasn't a religious fanatic; he just wanted to do what was good and just and right, and to please God with all of his heart. Joseph worked for a man by the name of Potiphar. Potiphar’s wife began a sexual pursuit of Joseph, daily inviting him into her bedroom. One day, when all the servants were away, she literally pulled him onto herself. In this moment of passion, Joseph’s character prevailed as resisted and ran from the situation. With his character and values firmly in place, he refused. He didn't refuse because he was afraid of being caught, or because he was afraid of contracting a disease. He refused because pleasing God was more important to him than a moment of self-indulgence. Someday he'd get married to the girl of his choice and sex would then be a good and beautiful part of both of their lives. Joseph wasn't about to throw this away for a night of pleasure with another man’s wife.
The thing we need to realize is, Joseph didn't develop these principles an hour, a day, or a week before temptation came. His character was formed day by day from childhood up. Night after night he heard stories about Abraham and Isaac and God's dealing with them. Soon the God of Abraham and the God of Isaac became the God of Joseph also. The reason Joseph had the strength to turn down the sexual favors of Potiphar's wife is because he treasured his relationship with God too highly to give it up for a night of sin.
One of these days your children are going to walk out of your home to begin life on their own. They're going to make decisions based on their own convictions on the moral and spiritual values they've adopted for themselves, on the training they've received. As parents, the character we consistently model today will prepare our children for tomorrow’s challenges.
Character development is a journey but, thankfully, it’s not a journey we make alone. God said, “A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them” (Ezekiel 36:26-27). How does God do what He declares here? In the person of His son, Jesus Christ, God not only reconciles the believer to Himself but begins a process of “interior remodeling.” Call it true character (trans)formation.
In the first century, followers of Jesus Christ recognized and feared one man above all others. This was a man who formed what we would call lynch mobs for the purpose of killing these followers of Christ. During his reign of terror, if someone had suggested that this man would lay down his sword for the Cross of Christ, he or she would have been labeled lunatic. Nothing would have been more unbelievable. But then it happened. Paul became a man whose character was radically transformed by the power of Christ. He declared that the presence of Christ within was the power behind his transformation (Colossians 1:27-29; Philippians 1:9-11).
Christ is the hope for anyone who ever grew up in a dysfunctional home void of any good role models. Christ is the hope for anyone hoping to break with the past and give something new, something better to their own children.
One of the things Christ does for us is he gives us a moral foundation on which to stand. Without this we're vulnerable to every temptation that comes along.
Another thing Christ does for us is he puts meaning and purpose into our lives. He gives us a cause bigger than ourselves for which to live. Life is more than a few years of self-indulgence and career advancements. It is a stewardship given to us by God.
A third thing Christ does for us is he fills our life with his presence. He brings to us comfort in times of sorrow, peace in times of distress, strength in times of weakness, forgiveness in times of failure, light in times of darkness, and hope in times of death. Children who aren't introduced to Him miss so very, very much. A home where the presence of Christ is real and expressed in dynamic faith is the best gift parents can give.
Like the sun piercing the darkness of what had been concealed, so the disturbing events of corporate dishonesty have shined a bright light on the value of character. Build something great… something that precedes you and something that will outlast you. Build a character upon the principles of God’s truth, the Bible. Start where you’re at, start in your own home and why not start today? Parents who play with their children and pray with them and instruct them in the ways of God are providing their children with the greatest treasure children can have.
